"Are you doing alright?"

Salam w.b.t and hello folks.

 

When at work, people will ask me, "Are you doing alright?"

 

This question is similarly like asking, "How are you doing?", "Are you doing good?", in Scottish/Aberdeen style.

 

I will normally nodded and smile. Yes, I always put smiley face.

 

I seldom being open to people, only to certain person I can be honest. However, the personnel who I like to share and listen to is absent. He is on leave for couple of weeks, I guess.

 

And today, another personnel asked me, "Are you alright?".

 

As usual, I nodded and smiled. Seriously, as usual and I hardly shake my head to say things are not okay for me.

 

He basically said, "You smile, so you are doing alright".

 

What he failed to realise was, the level of sincerity of my smile. It complicated and confusing, right? I know, this is what woman does, make stuffs complicated.

 

Listening to his respond, it hits me.

 

Generally, people assume me, smile = alright.

 

I don’t blame them.

 

Then, I reflected myself. I am not doing alright lately and I am not being honest to others.

 

Most importantly, I am not being honest to myself.

 

I have been struggling a bit, in many aspects. Lately, it is just that I find it is difficult to keep myself focus and motivated. I don’t know what are the factors and why, but it happens.

 

I don’t want to make a big deal out of it, so I pretend I can handle it and - smile.

 

Act like nothing bothering me, with hope that time will swallow all things that distracting me.

 

I came across this phrase several days ago. It best describes what I feel and what am trying to do.

 

 Putting shitload aside, and try to live.

Also, several days ago, I said to a colleague, "I hit the bed early last night, because somebody pissed me off and I don't want to say a name".

His reply was, "I can't imagine your reaction when you are angry".

You see here, I smile a lot and people can't picture how am I going to react when I am mad. Yeah, I am still new here and old friends who know me understand how I react when I am angry.

 

P/S - I find it is hard to find a good listener. Pheww.... La tahzan :)