Battle I got into

Salam w.b.t and hello readers.

Let me be honest, it took me a huge effort to share this post. I have wrote this entry weeks ago, but I was not ready to publish it until now. You will understand the reason behind this after you finish reading it.

I have been struggling since weeks ago, my motivations gone, my hopes shattered, I was dead inside out, literally. For some time, I did not have a word, sentence, or idea on how to describe what I have gone through. In a simple word, I was lost.

I got my AU visa in early of April, which was a great thing. One week after I got my visa approval, the Slb recruiter called me on Wednesday evening. I was expecting updates about when I can start working as all documents were ready, all onboarding processes already completed. I was so pumped to work my ass-off and gain money. I do not have any more money, while bills, debts are waiting to be paid.

When I answered the phone call, I heard the recruiter cleared his throat and I did not like the sound of it. No, actually I hate it very much. I immediately asked him, "Is it a good or bad news?". Basically he said, "Both". He broke the news, by the time, my mind was everywhere. I did not cry at the time, I tried to calm myself down and listen carefully but I lost track of everything.

Let me just put it in a simple way, the company decided to give me a new assignment. New assignment means, new location and all the onboarding process will have to start all over again. Start all over again, which means the waiting game will be extended to a certain period of time. I don’t think I can afford to wait any much longer, my patience is at the edge, and we are running out of money.

I kept asking, "What should I do?", "What should I do?", "What should I do?". Repeatedly. He explained the options several times. I am sure, I did not mean the question for him. It was more to myself. I went blank, numb and I cannot think of anything else other than the responsibilities on my shoulders that are getting heavier than ever.

"I don't know what to say".

"I didn't see this coming".

"I feel like knocking my head on the wall".

"I am disappointed".

I said to him.

"You have every rights to feel this way. I know this is very disheartening, you can take your time. But, after a day or two, please pull yourself back together". He continued talking whatever, but my mind was no longer there. 

By the way, this recruiter is really good at talking. I mean, the new recruiter. If he is a car salesperson, I would have buy the car he sell regardless the conditions and price.

My mother was also listening to the conversation and she pretty much got the idea of what was going on. Tears wetted her eyes and cheeks. After the call, I shivered and dropped to the floor. I felt like everything has been taken away from me harshly in a blink of an eye. It was also a really heartbreaking moment to see the disappointments in my mother's eyes. No, it was not the disappointments, but it is more on her fear of what lies ahead in the future.

My future, her future, my sister's future. I am her hope, I am the one who should stand up for her. I can see her world caved-in.

This news really shook my faith, "O Allah, what is happening?".

From that moment onwards, I don't know what to do, what to think, and every cells in my body chose not to cooperate with me. Whereas my mother decided to spend time alone, most likely to cool herself down. I totally understand that and I did not want to interrupt her.

We were in grief, in our own way.

Despite the news, I said to Allah SWT in my prayers, "Whatever happen, please Allah SWT, help me. Help me, guide me. I am totally helpless. Please help me to reach Khusnul Khatimah. I want to success in this world and hereafter. Strengthen me and help me. I am no longer can stand seeing my mother's tears and disappointments. It torn my heart to pieces. I cannot bear any more disappointment".

The next day in the morning, I still did not know what to do, how to react to this unexpected event, whom should I consult. My heart is still beating in the chest, but I did not feel alive. I was lost, and I need someone to discuss with.

One person I can really, really trust is Kak Daeng. I shared the recent news with her, from A to Z. I clearly know she also just recovered herself from several challenges, but her reactions to me does make me absolutely touched. From that moment, I know, she is my friend for life. She is my sister. She helped me countless times before, and every time she helped me, I become more certain that I want our friendship lasts till jannah, InsyaAllah. She advised me on several things and shed some light on what I can do. What she said are things that I kind of expected, but it feels good to have someone to say it again. It does lighten the burden a little when I shared the problems with her.

Since that day after, I decided to shut myself off the world for a while. I need to refocus and recover myself from this unanticipated event. Yes, tears still wetted my eyes once in a while, I could not avoid it. 

About five days after that, for a start, I emailed the recruiter to recheck several things because I did not really focus on our last conversation.

So, where am I now?

I am still in the battle, wounded, but I will never give up in fighting my way through.

P/S - Great friend is not the one who you took the selfie with the most. Great friend is the one who you can turn to regardless in happy or difficult situations and pray for you in secret. Lets strive to be a great friends to our friends, shall we?

Tiga Sifat Wanita yang Perlu Dihindari

Salam w.b.t dan hai semua.

Apa khabar? Apa khabar? Apa khabar? Hehehe….banyak pulop….InsyaAllah, kali ini kita mahu kongsikan sebuah perkongsian daripada Ustazah Nurhafizah Musa di Radio Klasik. Tazkirah ini berkaitan dengan sifat wanita yang perlu dihindari. Ustazah menceritakan tiga sifat, antara sifat lain boleh didapati dari Kitab Muhimah.

Sifat-sifat ini perlu dijauhi oleh para wanita kerana ia tidak disukai oleh Allah S.W.T dan juga manusia lain. Sekiranya wanita yang memiliki satu atau semua sifat-sifat ini diambil sebagai pasangan hidup, ia akan sangat menyakitkan dan menyusahkan diri si suami.

Tiga sifat adalah seperti berikut:

Al-Ananah

Al-Ananah ialah golongan perempuan yang suka berhias tetapi sangat suka berkeluh-kesah. Wanita ini suka mengadu-ngadu dan suka menyakitkan hati orang lain. Apa yang dia tahu, nak menghiaskan diri dia sahaja dan pada masa yang sama, suka berkeluh-kesah. Itu tak cukup, ini tak cukup. Adakah kita memiliki sifat Al-Ananah?

Al-Mananah

Al-Mananah pula ialah golongan perempuan yang suka mengungkit-ungkit. Setiap kebaikan yang dia pernah lakukan, dia ungkit meskipun kebaikan itu kecil. Dan walaupun perkara baik itu telah lama dilakukan, dia masih mengungkitnya. Contohnya dia kata, "Aku banyak buat kebajikan, padahal, engkau suamiku, langsung tiada guna". Dahlah dia ungkit kebaikan yang dia buat, lepas tu dia salahkan suami dia. Al-Mananah, adakah ia wujud dalam diri kita?

Al-Hunanah

Al-Hunanah ialah wanita yang mencintai lelaki lain dan berangan-angan ingin memiliki zuriat dengan lelaki lain. Sudah ada suami, tetapi mencintai lelaki lain. Wanita ini sudah memiliki suami, ada anak-anak, tetapi kadang-kadang dia masih berangan-angan ingin memiliki zuriat dengan lelaki lain. Al-Hunanah, moga kita dijauhkan dari sifat ini.

Ini adalah antara sifat yang seorang wanita perlu elakkan. Bagi kaum lelaki pula, akan menyusahkan diri para lelaki jika memiliki wanita yang sifat-sifat ini. 

Sebenarnya, banyak lagi sifat-sifat negatif yang mesti dilupuskan dan sifat positif yang perlu diterapkan dalam diri kita, khususnya para wanita. Secara umumnya, kita perlu berusaha menambah nilai diri kita dengan sifat-sifat mahmudah agar berjaya menjadi Wanita Solehah.

 

Oklah, itu sahaja setakat ini. Harap bermanfaat untuk semua, dan jom kita saling ingat-mengingatkan untuk menjadi Muslimah awesome. Jaga diri, jumpa lagi di entry lain.

Salam w.b.t.

P/S - Cemburunya dengan Nurul Artikah Alias, pelajar perubatan dari Moscow. Pemergian beliau berjaya menyentuh ramai jiwa. Meskipun nama kita hampir sama, tapi entahlah. Harap dapat contohi beliau, InsyaAllah

Lupa Daratankah Kita?

Salam w.b.t dan hai semua.

Kita nak kongsi entry mengenai tajuk di atas.

Masa ini kami di Secret Recipe pada waktu tengah hari dalam awal April yang lepas. Kita, emak, dan angah sedang menunggu makanan yang kami order. Sambil menunggu tu, berbual-buallah pelbagai perkara. Alaahh..borak-borak santai anak-beranak. Adik yang bongsu tak balik cuti masa ni. 

Sembang-sembang pasal rumah, kerja, kahwin, dan perancangan masa hadapan. Kita pun sebenarnya, tiadalah perancangan masa akan datang yang kukuh atau 'solid' bak kata omputeh. Macam sesetengah orang, ada perancangan untuk 3 tahun, 5 tahun, atau 10 tahun akan datang.

Macam kita, rancangan macam rancangan koboi je. Nak start kerja dengan Schlumberger cepat, kerja rajin-rajin, perform excellently, selesaikan hutang MARA, hutang rumah, dan hutang kereta kalau boleh, secepat yang mungkin.

Secepat mana tu? Tak lebih dalam 3 tahun, InsyaAllah. Pada masa yang sama semasa kerja tu, nak travel lah ke sana ke sini. Dah kata kerja field engineer, kena lah travel kan. So, kita ade lah angan-angan nak pergi ke mana, nak buat ape kat situ, dan lain-lain. Macam yang kita cakap tadi, plan tu dalam kepala otak je la. Belum draft lagi atas kertas. Hahaha...

Macam dah melencong pula tajuk ni. Ok, kembali semula kepada perbualan kami tadi.

Dalam berbual tu, kita cakaplah secara random, "Orang (Akak) kalau ada rezeki ingat macam nak settle down kat luar negara, macam kat Perth, Australia ke. Beli rumah kat situ, kerja situ, dan ada menetap situ bersama keluarga".

"Eh kak. Kalau macam tu, tak macam lupa daratan ke?", kata angah sambil tersengih sumbing. "Kotla macam dah tak ingat asal-usul ke", sambung dia.

Kita pun macam sentap lah jugak bila dengar soalan tu.

Tiba-tiba, mak pula mencelah, "Erm, kat sana nanti ada kubur tak?".

Kita senyap seketika untuk ambil nafas.

"Kubur Islam ke mak?", nak settle kan soalan mak dulu. "InsyaAllah, mestilah ada. Kat mana pula nak tanam nanti bila dah mati. InsyaAllah ada, ada komuniti Islam kat luar negara".

Kepala mak terangguk-angguk mendengar jawapan tu.

Sekarang, nak menjawab soalan sentap angah yang kedua tu. Lebih kuranglah jawapan kita, kita pun tak ingat sangat.

"Ko rasa orang(akak) lupa daratan ke… sekarang ni, masa kita susah, takde sapa nak datang dekat tolong kita. Dalam negara, saudara-mara ada, duduk dekat-dekat. Tapi semua hilang masa kita susah. Kalau duduk luar negara, tentu arah sikit kalau takde orang nak tolong. Ade lah alasannya, dikatakan saudara-mara jauh. Lagipun, macam start fresh, permulaan hidup yang baru".

Sambung kita lagi, "Orang nak duduk luar negara, bukanlah orang dok sensorang je. Orang bawaklah mak, ko dan adik. Kalau nak ikut. Kot nak bercuti ke, kerja luar negara ke.  At least ade la tempat nak bertapak".

Kitorang pun tak bincang lanjut mengenai perkara 'lupa daratan' tu sebab makanan dah sampai. Walau bagaimanapun, soalan tu terngiang-ngiang di telinga kita sampaila sekarang. So, kita decide nak tulis entry pasal ni nak tengok pandangan korang yang membaca.

Bagi kita, sekarang ini nak jaga diri kita, mak, dan adik-adik. Sebab mereka adalah tanggungjawab kita dan top priority. Ye, atok dan nenek ada lagi tetapi keutamaan kita adalah pada emak. Makcik2, pakcik2, semua hilang bila kami sekeluarga susah. Ade lah tanya, tapi kita tahu la kan.

Ala… macam korang lah, masa susah sape kawan korang? Masa senang, sape kawan korang? Macam itu lah.

Keluarga kita sebenarnya takdelah besar mana, tapi kucar-kacir. Ada 'Favourite daughter', menatang minyak yang penuh sapa yang ada banyak duit, ada yang tak henti2 pandai ambil kesempatan, ada yang mulut takde insurans, dan macam-macam lagi. Dalam setiap keadaan, emak kita selalu berada di losing side, mungkin disebabkan statusnya sebagai anak sulung dan ibu tunggal. Takde sape nak stand up untuk mak dan kena lah mengalah dengan adik beradik. Kita tahu emak berjauh hati dengan mereka semua dan kita faham. Dulu masa kita tak reti bahasa, kita ingat keluarga kita happy je. Tapi bila dah besar ni, barulah kita nampak dan faham keadaan sebenar.

Entahlah..busuk-busuk pun, keluarga sendiri. Tapi, rasanya dalam setiap keluarga ada macam-macam kerenah kan. Cuma kita lebih terasa dengan beban kerenah-kerenah bodoh ini semenjak balik dari Australia.

So, kita memang memasang cita-cita untuk membawa diri kita, emak, dan adik-adik kita jauh dari anasir-anasir negatif ni. I want the best for my family and our future.

Kiranya, adakah kita lupa daratan? Apa korang rasa?

As usual, take care and Salam w.b.t.

P/S - Adakah patut remove post ini mungkin disebabkan kenegetifannya? 

 

Astaghfirullahaladziim

Salam w.b.t dan hai semua.

Apa khabar? Kita, Alhamdulillah...masih diberikan kesempatan oleh Allah S.W.T untuk bernafas di atas muka bumi ini. InsyaAllah, kali ini mahu dikongsikan sebuah tazkirah oleh seorang Ustaz di Radio Klasik Nasional mengenai Istighfar.

ﺃَﺳْﺘَﻐْﻔِﺮُ ﺍﻟﻠَّــﻪَ ﺍﻟْﻌَﻈِﻴــﻢَ

"Aku memohon ampun kepada Allah Yang Maha Agung"

Astagfirullahaladziim…Kalimah yang sering dilafazkan untuk meminta ampun kepada Allah S.W.T.

Istighfar ini sangat bagus untuk membersihkan hati kita. Ustaz tersebut mengibaratkan kalimah istighfar sebagai wiper kenderaan. Manakala, hati kita adalah cermin kenderaan.

Bagi siapa yang tak tahu apakah itu wiper, mohon Google. Terima kasih. Ia digunakan untuk mengelap cermin kereta dari kotoran dan juga semasa hujan. Kemudian, kelajuan wiper ini boleh diubah-ubah; perlahan, sederhana laju, dan laju.

Wiper, bila kita tekan butang "On", maka ia akan bergerak ke kiri, ke kanan untuk membersihkan cermin kenderaan. Ia akan bertambah laju pergerakannya bila kita pilih paling laju. Semakin lama, semakin bersih cermin kenderaan kita, dan akhirnya makin jelas penglihatan kita melalui cermin itu. Bila dah bersih cermin itu, lagi mudahlah pemanduan kita.

Macam itulah juga istighfar.

Hati manusia, apabila kotor perlulah dibersihkan dengan meminta ampun kepada Allah S.W.T. Antara caranya adalah dengan beristighfar.

Astagfirullahaladzim….

Setiap istigfar itu, akan mencuci hati kita dari titik-titik hitam. Semakin banyak kita melafazkannya, semakin bertambah bersih kita dari noda-noda yang menggelapkan hati kita.

Apabila hati kita dah makin bersih, kita akan menjadi mudah untuk melalui kehidupan ini. Petunjuk dari Allah S.W.T akan menjadi mudah untuk kita lihat dan ikuti.

Oleh itu, setiap kali terlintas untuk melakukan maksiat dan setiap kali kita terlanjur melakukan perkara yang terlarang, cepat-cepatlah kita beristigfar. Pohon keampunan kepada Allah S.W.T.

Namun, seperti wiper, akan sampai satu masa di mana getah wiper itu akan haus dan sudah tidak effektif untuk digunakan lagi. Mungkin juga wiper itu akan patah sebab dah guna ganas sangat. Maka, kenalah ganti dengan wiper yang baru.

Begitulah juga dengan hati manusia. Kalau kita dah sering sangat melakukan maksiat, hati kita akan menjadi lut. Maksudnya, sampai satu masa, ia dah menjadi keras. Cahaya petunjuk sukar nak tembusi masuk. Istighfar mungkin dah tak mampu nak membersihkan hati kita yang dah semakin keras itu. Oleh yang demikian, perkara yang kita perlu lakukan adalah bertaubat nasuha dan mulakan dengan permulaan yang baru. Kembali kepada Allah S.W.T dan tidak ulang perkara yang Allah S.W.T murkai.

Oleh itu, marilah kita perbanyakkan istigfar. Astaghfirullahadzim….

Sekian untuk kali ini. Seperti biasa, jaga diri.

Salam w.b.t and Adios.

P/S - Hati manusia, berwarna merah. Hati hamba Allah S.W.T yang sejati, berwarna putih berseri. 

Career Fair, What good does it makes to you?

Salam w.b.t and hello all.

How are you guys been doing? Alhamdulillah… I am doing fine, alive.

In this entry, I would like to share something related to a career fair. In some of my previous entries, I shared some of my experiences of coming to career fairs. Somehow, it gave negative connotation to some of the readers.

I did mention that when I came to the fairs, some of the recruiters did treat me quite rudely, a slim chance of securing a job, and several more. It looked like I was whining, consequently giving the idea of, "coming to a career fair is worthless". This is partially correct because I enjoyed attending the fairs and I learned a lot there.

Yes, you can Google and read the experiences shared by people who came to this type of events. You can ask around what other persons get from the fairs. You can also watch on the YouTube on how the career fairs were conducted. I agree that technology advancement would save our time, energy, cost and so forth as we do not have physically to be there.

I tell you what, it will not be the same. You will hardly gain or learn anything unless you experience it yourself.

This applies in any kind of situations. Let me give you an example, a simple one. You read a review on the internet about how bad the foods served at this particular restaurant, how poor the customer service there, and other comments. One day, you decided to give it a try. After that, you found out that, "Well, it is not really that bad as it said in the review. The food tasted good and it is worth value for the money. The cashier was also very friendly".

Do you got what I mean? In a simple word, you will never know what is it like until you set your foot there. Some might feel attending a career fair is a golden chance to gain information. On the other hand, some might think it is like jumping into a huge and stink dumpster. Some may have a mixed of feeling, good and bad. At least, these peoples who ever attend the career fairs have opinions and know which sides they are on.

For the record, I attended five career fairs and two career trips during the job hunting. I do not mean to brag here, but I want to make things clear. This number is very small compared to other job seekers, to be honest. I gained several lessons by coming to the events despite all my complaints before. Thus, I want to share on what I got from the events.

Meeting the recruiters

I can meet the important persons who in charge of recruiting people. No phone call, no appointment, just pop myself up at the booth. I can ask them a lot of questions, dig information that might not be found on the internet, like the salary, opening date, position available, and number of vacancy in the company.

If you are lucky, you can get their business card and email them afterwards. I received several name cards during the fairs, and it did help me during seeking the job. I sent my inquiries directly to the recruiters in order to follow up my job applications. This helped me in getting human feedbacks quite faster rather than computer-generated email.

Communication

Soft skills could be improved greatly when you mix around with people, particularly professional people. It was intimidating for me at first, as I did not know the correct way on how to approach these people. Besides, I need to converse in English. Apart from that, it is not only about me approaching them, it is also about them evaluating and judging me. Therefore, coming to the fairs helped in enhancing my communication skills, confidence, and personalities.

Other than that, I also learned about the correct questions to be asked to the recruiters. It is like learning a secret technique to snoop a million dollar information. Hahaha…, well sort of. The thing is, they can tell whether the person is smart or not based on the questions you ask. Typical people ask questions, extraordinary people ask smart questions. The main idea is, you can learn to ask appropriate questions by coming to the fairs. This would definitely help during the job interview.

Satisfaction

I would say I gained satisfaction when coming to career fairs. Satisfaction here means that I have tried my best in every options I have during the job hunting, then I leave the rest to Allah S.W.T. You know, maybe someone rezki will be through the career fair, some may be from the face-to-face interview, and  so forth. We never know how and when Allah S.W.T is going to deliver His fortune to us, but what we can do in try in every way and tawakkal to Him. As He said in Al-Quran, "Allah will not change someone's fate not until he/she try to change their conditions".

Thus, it is our responsibility to strive our best in whatever we are doing. When you have done your best, you will feel the pleasure of satisfaction being Tawakkal to Allah S.W.T.

Basically, I want to encourage you to attend career fairs held if you got the chance. There might be something great waiting for you there, who knew, right? Alright, I think that's all I want to share in this entry. Do share your opinions and experiences about career fairs, it will be benefit others as well.

As usual, take care. Salam w.b.t.

P/S - I know, it is May already. And, I miss Perth very much.