Kerana Leka

Salam w.b.t dan hallo semua!!! Apa khabar? Sihat? Alhamdulillah. Sakit? Innalillah..moga cepat sembuh.

Orait, dalam entry ni kita nak kongsi satu benda yang agak janggal untuk kita kongsikan. Kalau kita tak cakap "janggal", mungkin ini adalah normal bagi semua orang. Tapi tidak pada kita. Kita nak kongsi satu puisi, dah lama kita tak buat puisi. Wahaha..puisi? POYONYA AKU!!! Hahaha...takdelah, gurau ja. Nukilan hati ini dihasilkan di tahun akhir pengajian kita di UWA. Kita kongsikan di sini untuk tatapan semua.

Manusia,

Dalam melalui denai kehidupan,

Acapkali lupa,

Lupa menoleh ke belakang,

Melihat laluan yang ditinggalkan,

Mentafsir dan mengambil pengajaran,

Untuk dijadikan bekalan dalam meneruskan perjalanan,

Seringkali alpa,

Alpa untuk menoleh ke kiri dan kanan laluan,

Mentadabbur dan menikmati indahnya kehidupan,

Akibat terlalu leka melihat ke hadapan,

Akibat terlalu pantasnya kaki melangkah,

Untuk segera tiba ke destinasi yang diimpikan,

Menyebabkan tidak berpeluang memberi manfaat,

Tak sempat mencipta teman,

Tidak sempat memahat kenangan,

Akhirnya penyesalan mengetuk hati,

Ironinya ia hanyalah satu perkataan

Sebenarnya, ia dihasilkan bila masa tu kita sangat sibuk dengan assignments, thesis, projects, rejections, dan konflik dalaman serta luaran. Bila kita melalui saat-saat genting dalam kehidupan, kita biasanya akan berharap waktu itu berlalu dengan pantas dan kita tak nak terperangkap dengan situasi yang tidak menyenangkan dalam waktu yang panjang. Untuk itu, kita akan sibukkan diri kita dengan macam-macam perkara, mengasingkan diri dengan orang lain sebab tak nak melukakan hati orang lain, berjalan kaki dengan pantas, dan buat semuanya laju-laju dengan harapan saat getir akan berakhir. Ia satu cara yang bagus, dapat menyimpangkan fikiran kita. Tetapi pada masa yang sama, kita tidak dapat nikmati saat indah yang kadang-kadang akan hadir di celah-celah waktu kegetiran. Misalnya, kita berjalan pantas sampai tak perasan pemandangan indah yang terbentang di depan mata. Itulah antaranya. Akhirnya, kita dapat duduk sejenak dan renung balik apa yang berlaku. Hasilnya, kita buat puisi ini untuk menzahirkan rasa di hati dan sedikit sebanyak mungkin menenangkan diri. Hehehe…

Oklah, itu ja setakat ni. InsyaAllah jumpa lagi di entry yang lain. As usual, take care folks! Salam w.b.t.

Eid 1435 Hijrah

Salam w.b.t and hi all,

How are you guys doing? First and foremost, I would like to wish all Muslim Selamat Hari Raya and Maaf Zahir Batin. In Malaysia, the Hari Raya is celebrated on Monday. I am not sure about other places because the celebration day could be different. When I was in Perth, the night before Hari Raya (1 Syawal) will be where everyone become confuse and everyone will wait for everyone to text or post on Facebook whether tomorrow is Hari Raya or not. Otherwise, we will have to fast one more day. So, how is your Eid Celebration?

Mine was not so much happened. My family and I celebrated Hari Raya in Batang Kali and this is our first time celebrated it here. We did not go back to our hometown which is in Bentong, Pahang. Also, this is the first time celebrated with my family after 3 years lived in Australia. A lot of first time, yeah? Haha…Nevertheless, as I said before, not much happened. My sisters worked part time and they celebrated Hari Raya at their workplaces. Whereas for me, I stayed at home with my mother. Seriously, I did not even wear new dress or baju kurung as people always do during Hari Raya. I just wear t-shirt and slack, that was it. There is no open house invitation from other families and from my friends, which made me a little bit disappointed. Well, maybe everyone is too busy to count me in, who knows, right?

I think Hari Raya this time was the least fun compared to previous years. Well, many factors contribute to this but I would not tell it here. Anyhow, I am still grateful and thankful to Allah for all the blessings I have, such as I still have my supportive mother, diligent sisters, a place called home, food to eat, healthy body and mind, and many more which of course will take days to list them down. Overall, Alhamdulillah for all the countless blessings and love poured by Allah.

Since there is not much to share, I think that is it for this entry. I wish everyone is doing great and have a fantastic time with families and friends. Take care and see you in the next entry. Salam w.b.t.

Five Days Later

Salam w.b.t.

How are you guys doing? I hope you all are doing great. Me? Alhamdulillah, not bad. Hehehe… In this entry, I would like to share my feedback to the Chief Engineer (CE) after our discussion 5 days ago. You guys can check the previous entry by clicking this link, An Emotional Discussion .In the morning, he entered to the training room and only me in the room. The rest of the members were not there yet. He asked me how am I doing and what is my decision? I was not ready to tell my answer and then I asked him, "Do we have to discuss it now?". He said, it is up to you. I said to him, "I will tell you after class". I was not ready to tell him yet, plus I don't want other members hear our discussion. He then asked, "You have reached your decision? I just want to know, are you going to stay or move on?". It was a quick question and I shook my head although it was not the thing I wanted to do. I want to nod, but I don't know. Maybe it was a reflex action, as I was not prepare to answer. He looked a little bit disappointed, then the CE said, "Alright, it is your call". Seconds later, all the members came and the class went as usual. Before the class dismissed, I told him I will let him know properly and he said yes, do email him. Later in the afternoon, I emailed him and below is my answer.

****

~ Email to CE

Firstly, my apologies for my reaction on Monday, it was due to panic. Actually, I have a lot of things to discuss on Monday but I cannot spit the words properly. So, I jumped straight to the main point. From the discussion, you asked me, ‘Where I will be in the next three years? I cannot answer the question and at the same time it gave me a different perspective. Yes, I admit I do not have a proper plan if I decide to move on.

Before I started my degree, I like to deal with numbers and love everything about the aircraft. Other than its huge size, I like the situation where the investigators like NTSB will come together to determine the factors when the airplane failed to function properly or crash. I want to be like them. Unfortunately, the opportunity to learn about the aircrafts and join the aviation sector was not available at that time. After 5 years, the opportunity is here and that is why I am dilemma. It is either to stay with what I have (degree) or do something new, which is aviation. I believe you know that during my degree, I did mechanical and a little bit about offshore stuffs. Right now, I realised that I am in my comfort zone and it is my habit to play on the safe side. That is why I said offshore is my passion when you asked me.

It all started on last Friday, when you brought your theses to the class and I have a chance to peek at it. When I look at it, it intimidated me and throughout the weekend I keep asking myself whether I can produce something like what you did in one year. I also went through the university websites and check all the relevant things. I understand that it is not about producing the thesis only, it is about learning process and what a person can contribute after completed the study. Going into aerospace is a whole new level for me and I am not sure if I have the capabilities to produce high quality of dissertations and contribute back to the company, industry, and community as a whole. It is just that I am afraid the feeling of going to the UK then regrets and disappoint people.

Thank you for giving me some time to rethink my decision and not tell Matthew. Although it seems frightening (in my opinion), I think I want to stay and see how far I can go. I hope it is fine with you.

Regards,

Siti Nor Atiqah

~ Reply from CE

Well done; Good to know that you have decided to carry on with the programme. I am glade that you had a good think and were able to derive at a conclusion rationally.

Feel free to come over and have a chat any time.

All the best.

Shai

****

Basically, it tells what happened, why I reacted that way, and how I decided to carry on. So, the readers have an insight on this matter. Although I am not 100 per cent sure of my decision, I think it is the best option at this instance. Well, we never know what lies in the future. I have several plans, but I don't think I want to share it now. Anyway, I hope I will achieve what I am longing for in my career. Although you all have no idea what I am up to, please, pray for me to be able to achieved them. I will share it with you guys when the time comes.

Alright, I guess that is all from me. Take care of yourself and see you guys in the next entry. Bye and Assalalamualaikum.

An Emotional Discussion

Today, I met the Chief Engineer (CE) at his office. I have something important to tell him and it is related to the Master and aerospace. I went to his office around 12.45 pm and my heart beating so hard, and my mind was all over the place. I was not sure whether it is a right decision or not, whether I should speak to him or not, should I just email him, and the list of questions went on and on as I walking towards his door.

A moment later I was standing at his door. He invited me into his office and I took a seat opposite to him. He is nice and always put a smile on his face, and it soothed me a bit. Nevertheless, I was still nervous and I was confuse.

ME: I need to talk to you. I am sorry if what I am going to say will surprise and disappoint you. I know you and others have spend a lot of effort, time, and energy to teach me. Thank you but I think I want to pull myself out from this program.

After I spit out what is on my mind, I feel a bit relieved but still anxious waiting for his reaction. A second later,

CE: Wow...that was unexpected. (From his response, I am entirely sure that he was not expecting what I was going to say)

Me: I am sorry for disappointing you. I just cannot leave without any words. I don't want to leave a bad impression to you.

CE: Yes, yes. I understand that. But, after all this time, why so sudden? What makes you change your mind? May I know what is going on?

When he started to ask me all these questions, my tears started to roll down my cheeks. I cannot control it, and I let it flow and I cried in silence. Thus, I cannot speak even a word. It was embarrassing but what can I do at this circumstance? I simply cannot run away from his office. 

I was so disappointing with myself because I have to make this decision and I feel terribly bad because disappointing him. He is a very good mentor and I am sure it is hard to find anywhere in the world a great mentor like him.

CE: Have you speak to anyone about this?

Me: No, you are the first I spoke to.

CE: What about your parents? Have you speak to them?

Me: Yes, but my mother insisted me to carry on with this program. However, I am confused. It is like me, only me against the current. I got an offer from another company. It is 12 months contract, compared to Strand. It needs three years contract. I don't know, I am not sure.

CE: Ok. May I know which company offers you?

Me: Sime Darby Plantation Division.

CE: I see (He took a deep breath). Would you like to do something with your tears? I am sorry, I don't have any tissues (while looking around his desk).

Me: No, no...that is fine. I am good (while trying my best to control my tears).

CE: Ok, I know what you are going through. Oh, my mistake, I should not have said that. I understand what you are going through but only you knows what is happening.

I just kept silent throughout the conversation since I cannot speak a word. I only answer yes, no, nod or shake my head because I was stammered and I tried my best to process what he was saying. He advised me and give a lot of guidance. Actually, he said a lot of things and I just cannot put them into words here. I will just make it short and sweet. After giving a long advices, we finally reached to a conclusion.

CE: At some points of your life, you have to make a decision and different decision will have a different consequence. But it is your responsibility to decide and I don't have any rights to stop you if you already make a decision. It is your call and I cannot interfere it. I am here to guide you only.

Me: Yes, I know. I am so sorry for being so stupid. I am just confused and I don't get a proper guidance in solving this matter. I am afraid of what will happen in the future.

CE: Yes, that is fine. I am glad that you come and talk to me. At least I have an indication on what disturbed you. Well, take some time to rationalise yourself. I know it is hard to make a proper decision when you are not rational.

Me: Alright. Thank you and I will rethink my decision (At that time, I can start to control my tears. Oh man, I felt so bad).

CE: No worries. We will have a chat again in one week or you can drop me a line (He gave me his business card). I will not tell Matthew about this.

Me: Ok, thanks. I will. Yes, please keep this between us. Do not tell Matthew yet.

CE: Yes, yes. I will.

I dashed out from his office a second later, it might looks so rude but I don't want to stay any longer. From afar, I heard he said, "Take care and have a nice day". He was so kind, but how can I have a nice day after this emotional discussion? Haha...silly me.

 I looked at my watch and it was 1.20 pm. Then, I directed my foot to praying room at the ground floor to perform Zohor prayer.

Terbang Tunduk

Salam w.b.t dan Hai, folks.

Kabare waras? Hehehe...Alhamdulillah, kita sihat, macam biasa. Hahaha….Kita takda benda yang unik berlaku kebelakangan ini. Ada jugalah yang berlaku sebenarnya, tetapi tidaklah seunik mana. Takpe, itu kita cerita di entry lain kali.

Kita baru-baru ini dengar lagu baru dari Fynn Jamal yang bertajuk "terbang tunduk". Kita bukanlah peminat tegar atau fanatik gila, tapi kita follow lah intagram beliau dan baca perkongsian beliau. Dari situ, kita mula dengar lagu-lagu dia. Lagu yang terbaru (bagi kita lah terbaru, sebab baru dengar) adalah lagu ini.

Lagu ini bagi kita, banyak pengertiannya. Walau bagaimanapun, pengajaran yang paling melekat sekali di hati kita adalah, jangan mudah lupa dan tidak sombong bila dah berjaya. Pengajaran yang kedua adalah, pasti akan ada kesenangan yang menanti selepas susah payah. Bak kata pepatah, "bersusah-susah dahulu, bersenang-senang kemudian".

Mesti korang macam blur-blur je kan. Dalam kepala korang mesti tertanya-tanya, "lagu ape menda yang ko cakap ni Tiqah oi?". Hahaha….takpe2. Kat bawah ni lirik lagu Terbang Tunduk yang dinyanyikan oleh Fynn Jamal dan korang dengar lah ye lagu ni. Gempaks! Semua ini adalah ciptaan Fynn Jamal, kita ni tukang review jer memandangkan takde menda nak cerita. Kot cerita karang, asyik ngomel pasal kehidupan je kan. Wahaha….Kelakarnya saya ni. Hahaha...Oklah, enjoy lah ye dengar. Harapnya semangat tu akan berkobar-kobar bila dengar lagu ni. Kita bila rasa down, kita akan pasang lagu ni :)

Terbang Tunduk - Fynn Jamal

Bertahanlah, wahai raksa, jangan kau terhenti

Berpautlah, wahai nyawa, ini bukan mimpi

Saksikan dengan mata

Rasakan dengan jiwa

Kau sedang tinggi

Jauhnya kau terbang

Siapa sangka?

Getir yang menghalang tak besar mana

Payah payah semalam

Moga mudah selama

Tiap apa yang mematah tegakmu

Tiap yang menolak

Tiap yang memijak-henyak

Biar di belakangmu

Jangan dikenang

Moga dibuang dendam dan sayu

Tuhan

Jangan kau izin aku lupa

Jangan kau biarkan aku mendepang dada

Pasakkan hatiku pada kaki

Paksakan ku tunduk sehingga mati.

Cold War Vs. Winter

This is what happened today during the meeting with the Chief Engineer (CE).

CE: During the Cold War, the Russia and America created some.., erm…by the way, do you all know what is Cold War?

Me: Oh yeah, the war that took place during winter.

The CE eyes nearly pop out from the sockets. While pointing at me, the CE said, “You better go do some historical studies”.

Me: Haha..ok.(Stupid me)

Apa yang berlaku di Masjid Tanah?

Salam w.b.t semua. Apa khabar? Sihatkah? Sejahterakah? Gembirakah? Hehehe...banyak sungguh "kah" nya. Sedar tak sedar, kita dah memasuki bulan Ramadhan, bulan yang penuh barakah dan penuh keberkatan. Alhamdulillah. Selain itu, ini kali pertama kita sambut bulan puasa bersama dengan keluarga di Malaysia setelah hampir tiga tahun berpuasa di luar negara. Pada 1 Ramadhan yang lepas, bersamaan dengan hari Ahad, kita perpeluang bersahur, berpuasa, dan berbuka dengan atok serta wan kita di kampung. Walaupun tak semua ada, khususnya adik kita, suasana tetap juga meriah. Meja makan, meriah dengan makanan, dan juga banyak celoteh. Bersyukur, kerana masih berpeluang merasai nikmat-nikmat yang dikurniakan Allah SWT. Ok, panjang sungguh mukadimah kita. Sebenarnya, dalam entry ni kita nak kongsi cerita mengenai hari pertama kita training. Many unexpected things happened, either good or bad.

Seperti yang dimaklumkan sebelum ini, kita proceed dengan option Strand. Training bermula pada 1 Julai, dan kita expect training di Damansara, pejabat Strand. Walau bagaimanapun, beberapa hari sebelum start iaitu pada 27 Jun, semua trainee dapat email yang lokasi bertukar ke KKTM Masjid Tanah. Lubok China, Masjid Tanah. Maka, nak tak nak, terpaksalah ke Masjid Tanah dan kita rasa boleh cari tempat ni sebab lima tahun duduk Melaka, takkanlah tak tau. Ye dak? Sebelum dapat email pasal ni, ada member namanya Azila pun dah kasi hint pasal ni, walaupun tak in detail. Tapi pada masa itu, kita rasa ini unreliable information dan kita abaikan. Oleh itu, pada hari tersebut, kita pun bertolak lah ke Melaka dan memandu seorang diri. Emak kita nak hantarkan, tetapi kita tak kasi ikut. Selain risau emak akan penat, angah pun ada di rumah nanti tiada siapa nak teman dia. Kita pun tak kasi emak ikut, sebab kita tak dapat nak bayangkan suasana yang akan ditempuh apabila tiba di lokasi nanti. Rasanya, kita dah cukup dewasa untuk deal with any situasions. (Cewaaahhh, POYO!!!)

Kita sampai di lokasi dalam pukul 12 tengah hari, dan kita jumpa dengan Azila dan Rodiah. Seronok, sebab sebelum ini hanya berhubung secara online saja. Ini bila dah jumpa, Azila kecil dan cantik manis orangnya. Manakala, Rodiah tinggi lampai orangnya. Hehehe...kecoh dan gembira bila tukar-tukar cerita. Lepas tu, kita pun check in bilik. Kita tak dapat sebilik dengan dorang tapi takpelah, ok kot. Bila ke bilik, kita tak dapat masuk sebab dah berkunci dan budak bilik entah ke mana. Dorang dah check in dulu. Kita tengok, sebilik empat orang, ada katil dan tilam, ada lokar sebijik, dan meja sebijik untuk setiap orang. Sebenarnya, at the moment kita jalan ke bilik, kita rasa down giler. Sebab macam balik ke zaman asrama dan ini sangatlah tidak best. Shower dan toilet adalah berkongsi. Bila kita dah angkat barang kita, baru kita sedar, kita nyer tempat takde lokar dan meja. Tak tahulah kenapa takde, so kita letak je barang-barang kita di tepi katil. Barang yang penting, macam laptop, kita letak dalam kereta je dulu.

Bila dalam bilik, bertembunglah dengan roommate baru. Tiga-tiga dorang dari UniKL, dan dah kenal satu sama lain. So, kita ni ibaratnya orang asing lah dalam bilik tu. Kita tak pernah jumpa dorang, dan kita fikir mungkin dorang ni dari interview session yang lain. First impression kita pada dorang, dorang agak rude dan some sort of discriminate. Antara soalan yang awal ditanya, Uni mana? Bukan tanya nama, apa khabar ke. Untuk buat korang faham, kita kasi contoh situasi ye. Kalau masuk MRSM untuk tingkatan 4 dan 5, macam pertembungan antara budak yang memang MRSM dan budak government atau dikenali sebagai "budak gogo". Macam itulah kita rasa pada saat ditanya soalan-soalan, cumanya kali ini kita di posisi budak gogo, the minority. "Lantaklah", gumam hati kita. Mungkin itu cara dorang berkenalan.

Lepas itu, kita dan Azila dan Rodiah, bergerak ke surau. Duduk berbincang sambil tunggu masuk waktu Zohor. Kitorang kongsi rasa kekecewaan kerana situasi ini unexpected. Sepatutnya, kita semua berada di Damansara, bukan di sini. Selain itu, kita turut menyuarakan pasal kita tak expect akan berjumpa lagi ramai dengan orang lain yang tak dikenali. Dari perbincangan kitorang, kita simpulkan yang kitorang expect lebih bergaul dengan orang yang lebih professional dan korporat seperti yang berlaku semasa ditemuduga selama empat hari di Strand. Contohnya, engineers dari Strand. This is not bragging or over expecting. Seriously, we are all expecting this kind of situation and what is happening is should not happen at all! Besides, we are no longer a student that should be confined in a hostel. Petang itu, pukul 2 petang ada taklimat dan kita decide untuk bertanya soalan-soalan yang penting. Yelah, ini berkaitan dengan masa sekarang, dan juga masa depan.

Petang itu, kita nampak beberapa muka yang dikenali seperti Matthew dan Shai. I was quite happy and feel relieved when saw them. Walau bagaimanapun, semasa briefing more attention was paid to the students who haven't take their IELTS test yet. I was only able to ask one question due to time constraints, it was about the schedule. Rasa macam tak berapa puas hati dan terasa terumbang-ambing kerana tak dapat maklumat jelas. Kita ada banyak soalan yang nak ditanyakan kepada mereka especially kepada orang Matthew and Shai. Petang itu, macam hopeless dan tak rasa eager untuk training. Malam tu, lepas terawih, kita dan Azila decide untuk request a discussion session dengan Matthew dan kalau Shai dapat datang, it will be very great. Malangnya, Matthew tak dapat datang on the next day. Dia akan datang pada hari Khamis, dan kitorang kena tunggu satu hari lagi sebelum dapat berbincang. Dia ada kata boleh Skype, tapi macam tak sesuai. This requires a face-to-face discussion. Oleh itu, bersabarlah hati. Tunggulah sehari lagi….

Ok, InsyaAllah. Itulah situasinya sekarang. Mungkin macam pointless untuk kongsi, tapi takpelah. At least I can do something in this isolated place. Hopefully akan bertemu di entry akan datang. Take care, and Ramadhan Al Mubarak to the all dear readers. Salam w.b.t.

P/S: Di sini takde internet connection atau wifi. Kita bawa broadband, namun tiada connection juga. Maka, mungkin ada masalah dengan kronologi peristiwa pada masa akan datang sebab kita tulis henti-henti.