"Akak memang lain dari orang lain"

Salam w.b.t and hello everybody.

How are you guys doing? I am doing great! Actually, I was a little bit under the weather. I started having fever last Wednesday, but managed to finish my day at work. On Thursday, I thought I am getting better, but I was not. Fever, runny nose, sore throat, cough, chest pain, but I still came to work. Dave (FSM) and Graeme (senior engineer) told me, "Siti, if you feel crap, just go home". Another David, insisted me to go home. I did not want to stay at home because I have nothing to do at home. However, I end up went home around 10 am as I cannot act cool with my croak voice. Hahaha…

On Friday, I took a leave as well. I was really sick because I stayed in bed from most of the time, while watching movies. Hahaha…No way I am going to stay still on my bed. Movies and books.

On Saturday, even though not fully recovered I decided to go out. I went to Dunnottar Castle again and bought groceries. My mates at work invited me to join them in the city watching football and chill out together. I don’t know why I did not go. I don’t know because I thought I want to go at first.

This time, I managed to enter the castle. Weather nice. View is spectacular.

Today, I cleaned the house, did some gardening at the backyard, also managed to finish reading an action book written by James Patterson. Now, I am sitting down at my desk writing this entry.

Honestly, it has been tough time for me for the last couple of weeks. Right now, I have ME-time, four days although I am a bit sick. I appreciate it very, very much. I lost motivation, this time for a good reason (I will share later), and when it happened, I don’t know what to do and what to feel. Most of the time, I felt angry. Being angry is so exhausted. I lost my focus and unhappy.

Therefore, many things happened when I was not myself. Quite hard though. Therefore, having four days alone gives me time and space to think properly. I called my mother last Wednesday, I shared with her everything that bother me, and compared why others don’t experience difficulties I am going through, why and why.

All my mother can say was, "Sabar lah. Akak memang lain dari yang lain sejak dulu. Dulu, masa kawan-kawan akak sambung belajar, akak kerja. Orang buat ini, akak buat sekian, sekian. Sabarlah. Bila tiba masanya, ada jalan keluar tu. Cari motivasi, jangan putus asa. Jangan layan hilang semangat tu lama-lama".

Translation: Be patient. Since beginning, you are always different from others. When your friends pursued studies, you started working. People do this, you do that and that. So, be patient. When the time comes, I am sure you will find the way out. Get motivated and don’t give up. Stop feeling demotivated.

I totally agree with her. Therefore, I am trying to find my spirit to move me forward. Thinking about it, actually nothing is stopping or dragging me down in reality. It is just myself feeling shite. I just need to find the way to get myself moving and for a start, stop whining and be positive!

Yeap, that’s it from me now. Gambatte! Hahaha… I will write again in the future. Take care folks.

Salam w.b.t. and see you later.

 

P/S - I am thinking to go to Budapest or Barcelona during Christmas and New Year Holiday. But I don’t have plan in place. Anyone???